ARE YOU ORGANIZATIONALLY CHALLENGED?

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Your first step in coming up with effective organizational strategies is recognizing that you may be truly disorganized. Take this unofficial “test” and see whether becoming better organized is an area you need to work on.

Read each of the following statements and see to what extent each statement describes you. Use the following ratings to help you better gauge how disorganized you are:

                                      3 = Very much like me

                                      2 = Somewhat like me

                                      1 = A little like me

                                      0 = Not at all like me

1. Your home is filled with far too much stuff.

2.Your closets, drawers, and cabinets are disorganized.

3.You’re frequently late for your appointments.

4.You’re a big procrastinator.

5.You find that you spend lots of time looking for things you’ve misplaced.

6.You’re often late paying your bills.

7.Your friends and family tell you that you have a problem with clutter.

8.You feel stressed out by all the stuff in your home.

9.Your computer files are generally disorganized.

10.You rarely use lists to help you get organized.

11.You buy duplicates of things you already own because you can’t find the originals.

12.Your desk or workspace is disorganized.

13.You feel you don’t have enough time to get organized.

You probably answered with twos or threes for at least a few of these quiz items. However, if you identify strongly with many or most of these statements, poor organizational skills may be playing an important role in creating excessive stress in your life.

More important than determining a global organizational score is identifying your specific areas and patterns of disorganization. The following categories help you do this.

Identifying your personal disorganization

Getting better organized means being aware of the areas in which you could use some help. Disorganization can be broken down to more discrete sub-groups. See which ones best describe your own forms of disorganization.

You don’t manage your time well. If your time-management skills are wobbly, you find that you often run late, miss deadlines, work inefficiently, procrastinate, plan poorly, and feel overwhelmed by not having enough time. Too many things don’t get done. Time management is such an important stress-reducing skill that it warrants its own chapter .

You’re surrounded by clutter. You own far too many things, and those things are way out of control. Your flat surfaces are invitations to put stuff on, preferably in piles. You have great difficulty getting rid of your stuff. It could be clothes, books, papers, out-of-date electronics, or broken just-about-anything. You feel like you’re drowning in your stuff, and you’re not terribly optimistic that the situation is going to change.

Your home is in constant disarray. Your storage spaces are randomly organized. Cabinets and closets are a mish-mash of organization. Finding anything is a hit-and-miss affair. You make poor use of containers, storage bags, shelves, and drawers. You rarely use labels.

You lack a good system for keeping track of bills and other important information. Your personal records, bills, passport, mortgage paperwork, and important files are somewhere, but you aren’t sure just where. You have no filing system. You don’t use your computer, tablet, or smartphone to help you organize your life.

Copyright © Allen Elkin Phd – Originally appeared in Stress Management for Dummies 2nd edition by Allen Elkin

CULTIVATING MINDFUL ACCEPTANCE

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Many of the ideas, suggestions, and directions in this book are designed to help you cope with stress in highly immediate, responsive ways. In various chapters I discuss how you can modify your environment, change how you think, and master more effective behavioral skills. The emphasis here is on doing, fixing, and changing.

While many of your stressors can be changed, fixed, or even eliminated, many times this isn’t possible. Sadly but realistically, your life will always be punctuated by major stressors. They may take the form of the death of a loved one, a major illness, a divorce, or a serious injury, to mention but a few of life’s major blows. Change may not be easy or even possible. In such cases, your first step becomes acceptance. Whenever you can’t change or fix a stressful situation, your most effective stress-management strategy may be acceptance. But the value of acceptance extends beyond coping with life’s major stressors. Effectively coping with any stressor, big or small, starts with acceptance.

Understanding acceptance

Acceptance, put most succinctly, means:

1.Recognizing and expecting that your life will be punctuated by pain, sorrow, loss, discomfort, and disappointment.

2.Acknowledging and tolerating that distress without denying it, fighting it, judging it, or immediately trying to change it.

3.Looking at your reality and accepting it the way it is, not demanding that it be the way you want it to be.

When you accept an unpleasant or unwanted experience, be it a situation, an event, a feeling, or a thought, you acknowledge that it is. You may not like it or want it, but it’s there. Your smartphone is on the bottom of the lake. You have to wait for the plane to take off. You didn’t get the job. Accept it! Acceptance is not always easy. Our instincts tell us to fight it, change it, fix it, or get rid of it. And sometimes you can. But a more effective way of coping is first learning to accept what is. Without acceptance, you’re in a constant battle with the stressors around you. Sometimes it’s best not to fight. Sometimes it’s best to accept.

Copyright © Allen Elkin Phd – Originally appeared in Stress Management for Dummies 2nd edition by Allen Elkin

CONTROLLING YOUR ATTENTION

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If awareness is the first step in becoming more mindful, learning how to control and direct your attention is the next step. This next exercise will help you figure out how to shift your attention.

I like this exercise because it gives you the experience of focusing your attention on one part of your inner and outer world and then switching attention, moving to some other aspect of your world. Here’s what to do:

The first part:

1.Find a place where you can sit comfortably without being disturbed for about five minutes.

The place doesn’t have to be totally quiet. In fact, some ambient sounds make this exercise work even better.

2.Close your eyes and begin directing your attention to your breathing.

You don’t have to change the way you breathe, just focus your attention on what is happening in your body when you breathe.

3.Notice the way the cool air feels when you inhale through your nostrils.

4.Notice how the stream of air goes to the back of your throat and into your lungs.

5.Notice how your diaphragm rises as you inhale and falls when you exhale.

6.Notice how much warmer the air is leaving your body.

7.Be aware of any other aspects of your breathing.

Is your body making any sounds as you breathe?

8.Notice that your breathing slows as you keep focusing on your breathing.

If your thoughts wander, simply notice that they have wandered and return your attention to your breathing. Keep this up for about two minutes.

The second part:

1.Let your attention shift to your stomach.

Pay attention to how it feels. Full? Empty? Do you notice any movement? Any sounds? Notice how your stomach moves in and out with your breathing. See if you can maintain this focus for another minute or so.

2.Shift your attention to the way your body feels in the chair.

Notice the sensations it creates in your body.

3.Shift to noticing any sounds you hear outside of your body.

4.Try shifting the focus of your attention back and forth between inner-body sensations and external sounds.

A funny taste in your mouth? A breeze on your face?

This exercise hones your ability to maintain your attention and become more sensitive to subtle changes and variations in your experience. It also, and more importantly, shows you that you aren’t locked into these feelings and experiences but can remain apart from them. They don’t define you or limit you. They are not you.

Copyright © Allen Elkin Phd – Originally appeared in Stress Management for Dummies 2nd edition by Allen Elkin

LEARNING HOW TO DETACH

Detaching from your stress means you’re able to step away from that situation, event, memory, or worry — whatever form your stress takes at that particular time. Stepping away may sound easy, but often it’s not. Our thoughts and feelings are compelling. Like a spider’s web, they can entrap us in an ever-spiraling web of rumination, worry, and upset. The pull of your stress-producing thinking is incredibly strong, and once it has you in its grip, escaping is not easy. That’s why detaching yourself from your thoughts and feelings becomes so important.

Creating awareness

The first step is becoming aware of what you want to detach from. The goal is to be able to detach from a stressful situation before it has you in its grip. Learning to detach from non-stressful triggers is much easier and therefore a better place to start. Start by asking yourself this simple question: What am I paying attention to right now?

By posing this question, you create an awareness of exactly what is holding your attention. The following is a simple exercise that can help you develop greater awareness of how and to what you’re paying attention.

1.Every time you check the time on your watch, computer, or cell phone, use this as a cue to pause briefly, take a deep breath, hold it for a bit, and slowly exhale.

2.Now ask yourself: What am I thinking about right now? What am I feeling? What am I doing?

Crack a smile?

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Detaching from a stressor or stress reaction can be hard. One tool that can help you transition from an emotional state to a more mindful state is to smile. “Wait a minute,” you say, “when I’m waiting in traffic or worried about my finances, you want me to smile? Get real!” Yes, I recognize that this will be a phony smile — forced and artificial. Do it anyway. It can help you gain objectivity and psychological distance. It distracts you momentarily, and the changes in facial muscle tension can alter your mood. Smiling gives you important seconds to regroup, gain some objectivity, and become more aware. Try it!

This simple response can refocus your attention. With practice, you won’t need a cue to be able to create this awareness on your own.

Creating distance

Here is another exercise that will help you get some psychological and emotional distance from a potential stressor.

1.    Suppose you feel an itch on your arm.

          Your natural response is to scratch it. Suppose, however, that rather than immediately reacting to the itch by scratching, you simply become aware of the sensation of itching and choose not to do anything about it.

2.    Imagine that you’re able to step away from the sensation.

          The scientist in you takes over, and you become a neutral observer. In a mindful way, you’re able to describe what the sensation of itching feels like (perhaps irritating, frustrating, or annoying).

3.    If you can mentally step back a little further, you can suspend any judgment about the itch (“This is driving me crazy! I hate this!”).

      You can also withhold your assessment of your ability to cope with the itch (“I can’t stand it! I just have to scratch!”).

4.    You can view the itch with a certain curiosity.

          Now you have distance. You’re not a prisoner of the itch. 

A major aim of mindfulness is to become aware of your thoughts, feelings, and sensations without reacting to them. This sentence, on first reading, may seem a bit puzzling. We’re so accustomed to responding to our thoughts and feelings that it’s second nature to do so. But as you recognized while doing the itch exercise, you do have a choice.

Copyright © Allen Elkin Phd – Originally appeared in Stress Management for Dummies 2nd edition by Allen Elkin

REVISITING YOUR DAILY ROUTINES

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Your daily life provides many built-in, informal opportunities to practice this shifting of attention, of becoming more aware of what is happening right now. Consider the simple act of eating.

Eat something!

In the past I’ve generally been a mindless eater. I ate too quickly, mostly unaware of how and what I was eating. Often I watched television or read a newspaper while I ate. Many of us are like that. Yes, we’re somewhat aware of the taste and the short-lasting effect of feeling good, but the experience is remarkably quick. Eating has become automatic.

This exercise is a simple way to demonstrate what it means to become more mindful in daily life. This takes only about five minutes. It involves eating a piece of food mindfully. Usually the food of choice has been a raisin. But you may not have a raisin in your cupboard. It doesn’t matter. Simply find food — a bowl of cereal, a grape, an apple, an orange segment, anything. Here’s what to do:

1.Find a place where you won’t be disturbed or distracted for a short while.

2.Let’s say you’ve decided to work with an orange segment. Hold the segment in your fingers. Pretend this is the first time you’ve ever seen a piece of orange.

3.Focus on the segment and pay attention to what it looks like — its texture, its shape, the lines, the colors, and the way the light reflects on its surface. Does it feel hard or soft? Rough or smooth?

4.Smell the section. Sweet? Citrusy?

5.Very slowly put the orange segment in your mouth.

Don’t chew or swallow just yet. Notice what it feels like in your mouth. Is your mouth watering?

6.Bite down, noticing what the sensation feels like.

Soft? Hard? How does it move around your mouth? Notice the taste you experience.

7.Begin to chew, noticing how the consistency changes as you chew.

Chew for a short while and then swallow, noticing the sensations in your throat and what it feels like as the bits of orange move from your mouth, down your throat, and into your stomach.

8.Step back and take a moment to reflect on the process.

Go beyond fruit

Here are some other built-in opportunities to introduce more mindfulness into your life. In each case, decide to pay attention to this routine behavior in a curious, exploratory way, as if this is the first time you’re doing this. Bring as many of your five senses to bear as possible. Ask yourself, “What do I see, hear, feel, smell, and taste?”

                                       Brushing your teeth

                                      Taking a bath or shower

                                      Getting dressed

                                      Washing dishes

                                      Eating a meal

                                      Cleaning the house

                                      Sitting on a train

                                      Driving your car

                                      Working out in a gym

                                      Walking down the street

Or any other automatic behavior you can think of.

Copyright © Allen Elkin Phd – Originally appeared in Stress Management for Dummies 2nd edition by Allen Elkin

DEVELOPING THE SKILLS OF MINDFULLNESS

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As with mastering any worthwhile skill, you sometimes have to practice. The word “practice” can have multiple meanings. In one way, it means putting to use or applying, as in “He practices what he preaches.” Another meaning suggests repeating a skill or behavior until you get good at it, as in “He practices the piano.” Mindfulness can be practiced in both ways. In the following sections, I encourage you to work with more structured exercises geared to help you practice and eventually master the skills of mindfulness. It does take some effort, but the results will be well worth it.

Staying in the present

I’m sure you’ve heard slogans like “Stay in the present!” or “Be here now!” And for good reason. The reality is that all you really have is the present. Running on auto-pilot robs you of your present experience. You fail to appreciate the meaningful details that make up the fabric of your life. Your automatic behaviors can hijack the present, leaving you unaware of what’s happening right now. You miss life! Your thoughts and emotions can also become automatic. Too much of our mental and emotional life is spent reflexively, looking backward, rehashing the past, lamenting, and regretting things we said or did (or failed to say or do). And if we aren’t looking backward, we’re worrying about or planning for what the future will bring. In contrast, mindfulness invites you to live your life as it unfolds, in the present.

Breathing more mindfully

This simple breathing exercise can help you stay focused on the present.

1.Find a place where you will be relatively undisturbed for a few minutes.

 Set a timer for a length of time that realistically fits your schedule. A few minutes should work fine.

2.Sit comfortably in a chair or on a cushion.

3. Begin paying attention to your breathing.                                      

Notice where you feel your breath. Is it higher in your chest or lower in your belly? Do you inhale and exhale through your nose or mouth?

4.Focusing on your breathing, begin counting upward from one to ten and then backward from ten to one.

If your attention wanders, you lose count, you over-count, or you find your thoughts taking you to another place, gently bring your attention back to the breathing and counting. Simply start again at one.

So, how did you do? Were you able to detach and get some separation from your thoughts and feelings? It’s not easy. Our minds are busy generating thoughts — all kind of thoughts all the time. Our thoughts and feelings grab us and pull us in. Too often our minds get locked into our worries, opinions, judgments, and concerns. We need some psychological distance.

____________________________

                                      Picturing a day at the beach

Not long ago I came across an issue of New Yorker magazine with a cover illustration depicting a family — a mom, dad, and two kids, posing for a picture on the beach while on their vacation in Hawaii. The resulting photograph showed all four of them glued to their digital devices. No one looked up. They were oblivious, completely unaware of being photographed or of anything else around them — the bright blue sky, the swaying palm trees, the turquoise ocean. For me, this captured the essence of what it means not to be living in the present.

________________________

Don’t worry if you had to restart several times. Don’t judge your performance. Cut yourself some slack. The goal is not to do this exercise perfectly but rather to become aware of how you can control your attention and focus, stay in the present, and recognize how easily your thoughts can pull you off track.

Exercises like this one can help you be more in the present. They can free you from the pull of everyday concerns and worries. The goal isn’t primarily to relax you or quiet your mind, though this is often a benefit. The goal of this and similar exercises is to train you to become aware of what you’re attending to and to become better able to shift that attention — and eventually to be more aware in the present moment.

Copyright © Allen Elkin Phd – Originally appeared in Stress Management for Dummies 2nd edition by Allen Elkin

UNDERSTANDING HOW MINDFULNESS CAN HELP REDUCE YOUR STRESS

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Our world can be a source of contentment, happiness, and even, at times, joy. Alas, this same world can be uncertain, unpredictable, and distressing. Our world seems to be in turmoil: political upheaval, terrorism, climate change, the economy, personal relationships, our finances, our health . . . I could go on. Your life has no shortage of stressors. You need a tool that helps you slow down your thoughts, feelings, and reactions to this stressful world. In other words, you need a pause button. That’s where mindfulness comes in. The following are some ways that mindfulness can help you manage your stress.

Creating calm and relaxation: Relaxing your body and quieting your mind aren’t the primary goals of mindfulness, but they can be a welcome and valuable by-product. Mindful meditation can help you escape your stressful thoughts and feelings by learning to attend to a breath, an image, or a relaxing thought. In this article, I discuss how mindful meditation can help you calm your mind. By focusing on your breathing, a sensation, or an object, you can create your own quieter place, undisturbed by the fears, worries, and distractions that punctuate your day.

Living in the present: Mindfulness can give you an appreciation of the richness that life has to offer by teaching you to notice the fullness of your experience. It shows you how to live more fully in the present. Too often, you have one foot in the past and the other in the future, and as a result you miss out on the present. You lose any appreciation of what’s happening to you right now. You get lost in rumination, worry, and fear. Your thoughts, feelings, and actions become automatic, reactive, and distressing, and your life becomes less authentic and less meaningful. But mindfulness can pull you out of auto-pilot and give you greater awareness of and appreciation for the life you want to live.

Coping with stressors: Mindfulness can function in more direct ways, giving you an important tool to cope with specific stressors and stress reactions. Becoming mindful can help you detach from your stressful world and observe it without judgment, criticism, or resistance. You can learn to step back and view your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors as by-products of an overactive and, at times, distorting mind. This gives you coping options: You can become aware of these thoughts, feelings, and behaviors without fighting them or feeding them, and, if you choose, you can more calmly and effectively explore avenues of change.

It really works

Research shows that mindfulness can result in a significant reduction in stress levels. Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, at the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society, in Worcester, Massachusetts, followed a group of more than 6,000 patients presenting a variety of stress-related conditions and disorders. He found that when patients followed an eight-week program of mindfulness training, their stress-related symptoms decreased and their conditions improved. Kabat-Zinn also found that following the mindfulness program helped people reduce their anxiety levels and lessen the severity of depressive episodes. More importantly, these changes were maintained on follow-up visits.         

The more specific uses and benefits of mindfulness are described more fully later. For now, here’s a simple exercise that will take only a moment or two and will give you a sense of what mindfulness is like. Read the following instructions and then close the book and do the exercise:

1. Stop whatever else you’re doing, take a deep breath, and try to become more relaxed.

2. Now, take this book (or tablet) in both of your hands.

Try to become aware of the book (or tablet) as if it’s the first time you’ve ever seen a book/tablet. Become curious, wanting to know more about this thing called a book/tablet. Holding it in your hands, gently focus all of your attention on the book/tablet.

3. Focus on the weight of the book/tablet in your hands.

Does it feel light or heavy?

4. Notice the texture of the paper/screen by rubbing your fingers over a page.

Does it feel totally smooth, or can you feel some roughness?

5. Without reading the text, pay attention to the print — the types of fonts used, the size of the print, and the word patterns.

6. Look at the cover of the book/tablet and notice the different colors and designs.

Notice the way light is reflected on the cover. Now feel the cover of the book. Running your fingers over the cover, notice its glossy smoothness. 

This exercise seems so simple that you may miss what’s happening. What you discover is that you’re attending to something in a way you normally wouldn’t. Hopefully you were able to slow yourself down and take your time as you became an observer, noticing, without any judgments, a very small piece of your experience. There was no analysis, no over-thinking, just observation. Your awareness was focused; you were in the moment. This ability allows you to detach from your world of automatic thinking, feeling, and behaving. This detachment puts you in an accepting, non-judgmental frame of mind, where you choose to simply be. You can use this frame of mind as a base for exploring better ways of coping with your stress.

Copyright © Allen Elkin Phd – Originally appeared in Stress Management for Dummies 2^nd edition by Allen Elkin