FACING ROADBLOCKS

If you recall your last attempt at losing a few pounds or getting rid of all the clutter in your house, you may recognize that good intentions don’t always guarantee success. Almost always, you encounter one or two roadblocks. But being aware of potential obstacles in your path and figuring out ways of avoiding them makes reaching your goal more likely.

Here are some of the more commonly experienced roadblocks (whether your goal is managing stress, cutting clutter, or whatever) and some ways to help you avoid them:

1.     I don’t have time.

2.     I’m too busy.

3.     I have too much stuff to learn.

4.     It’s too much work.

5.     It’s not my cup of tea.

6.     I tried it once and it didn’t work.

Each of these excuses contains at least a grain of truth. But each of them can act as a roadblock, slowing or stopping you from getting the most out of your stress management efforts. In the following sections, I give you some ideas and suggestions to help you get around these potential obstacles.

Take it a step at a time

Learning any new skill takes time. The trick is not to tackle everything at once but rather to spread your learning out over time. Start slowly; don’t overwhelm yourself. Set aside 15 or 20 minutes in your day and practice one of the methods or techniques in this book. It may be on your way to work in the morning, during a coffee break, on your lunch hour, or after work when you come home.

Give it a try

A few of the approaches in this book may feel a tad foreign and not immediately comfortable. Yet, with a little getting used to, these techniques may be the very ones you routinely use later on. You may not think, for example, that the breathing exercises are your thing, but you may be pleasantly surprised to find them wonderfully calming and relaxing. Many years ago, when I first began exploring various stress-management methods, I felt lukewarm about meditation as a relaxation tool. Now I swear by it. Hey, you never know. Keep an open mind. Give everything at least one good try.

Accept your different strokes

Although being open-minded about relaxation techniques is important, you ultimately need to put together a package of tools that reflects your personality and lifestyle. No two people are exactly alike. One size rarely fits all. For one person, the picture of ideal relaxation may be lying on a beach in the Caribbean with a page-turner in one hand and a piña colada in the other. For someone else, this scenario may trigger some an eye-rolling “Do I have to?” His or her idea of a relaxing vacation may be visiting every museum that’s open. The general rule is, if you aren’t comfortable with a technique or strategy, you’re less likely to make it a part of your life. If meditation doesn’t do anything for you, that’s fine; move on to something that does.

Practice to make perfect

Most of the methods and techniques presented in these pages require some practice before you can master them. Even though you can pick them up pretty quickly at an intellectual level, you need to spend some time repeating them to truly reap their benefits. Don’t give up too easily. Learning to ride a bike, drive a car, and play tennis all take time. Why should discovering how to manage the stress in your life be worth less time and effort?

Find a quiet place

You need a place to do all this practicing. Hopefully, you can find one that’s relatively quiet and relaxing, at least for a short period of time. Given the realities of your life, your quiet place may have to be a setting that is far from ideal. Your office — when the door is shut — may work for you. You can also try your bedroom at home, or your car when you’re stopped in traffic or commuting to work.

Link up

          Listening to audio instructions can be a marvelous way to learn and practice many of the relaxation and stress-reducing exercises presented in this book.                        

Get a stress buddy

Doing something by yourself can be hard. Losing weight, going to the gym, and stopping smoking are all easier when you do them with a friend. The same holds true for stress management. See if you can interest a friend in joining you. Your stress buddy can gently prod you to practice and put your new skills into daily use.

Don’t expect overnight results

You’ve spent years creating your stress-producing styles and patterns. Fortunately, changing these patterns takes a lot less time, but it still takes some time. You need to change your behaviors and thinking, not to mention modify your lifestyle and work style. You get there step by step. See yourself as being part of a program that looks at your daily encounters and experiences as opportunities for growth and change.
Copyright © Allen Elkin Phd – Originally appeared in Stress Management for Dummies 2^nd edition by Allen Elkin

STRESSOR IDENTIFICATION SCALE

     This scale helps you not only assess the amount of stress you’re experiencing now but also identify where that stress is coming from. Items in the scale include major life changes, important issues, and worries and concerns that you may be experiencing now. Use this simple scale to help you quantify how much stress the listed categories give you:

                                       N = No stress

                                       S = Some stress

                                       M = Moderate stress

                                       G = Great stress                                                          

Conflicts or concerns about your marriage or relationship=

Concerns or worries about your children=

Concerns or worries about your parents=

Pressures from other family members/in-laws=

Death of a loved one=

Health problems or worries=

Financial worries=

Concerns related to work/career=

Long or difficult commute to work=

Change in where you’re living or will live=

Concerns with current residence or neighborhood=

Household responsibilities=

Home improvements or repairs=

Balancing demands of work and family=

Relationships with friends=

Limited personal time=

Concerns with social life=

Concerns with your appearance=

Issues with your personal traits or habits=

Boredom=

Feelings of loneliness=

Feelings about growing old=

Note that this scale isn’t designed to provide you with a quantitative measure of your overall stress level. Rather, it’s a tool that helps you pinpoint specific stresses in your life and assess the impact each may be having on your life at the present time. It’s an index of what’s on your plate.

Copyright © Allen Elkin Phd – Originally appeared in Stress Management for Dummies 2^nd edition by Allen Elkin

HOW STRESSED ARE YOU?

Certainly, one of the first steps in mastering your stress is knowing just how stressed you are. But measuring stress is a trickier business than you may think. Part of the difficulty stems from the multifaceted nature of stress. That is, stress is both a stimulus and a response; it’s what’s on your plate and how you react to what’s on your plate.

Unfortunately, your doctor can’t just hook you up to a machine and measure your stress level as easily as she does your blood pressure or heart rate, even though stress can manifest itself as various biochemical and physiological changes in your body. So how exactly do you measure your stress level? The following sections show you some relatively easy ways to identify and quantify just how stressed you are.

Starting with a simple gut check

          Oddly enough, one of the best ways to measure your stress is asking yourself this simple question:

          “How much stress am I currently feeling?”

          In an age of high-tech, computer-driven, digitally monitored gadgets and gear, this lowest-of-low tech gauge may seem like a joke.

          Yet it really is an incredibly useful way of assessing your stress level. This subjective measure of your stress has some advantages. One, it measures those aspects of your stress — anxiety, anger, muscle tension, or whatever — that you feel truly reflect your stress. Two, it’s sensitive to the ways in which your stress level can change from day to day and even from moment to moment.

The stress-symptom scale

                   This index gives you a measure of your stress level by looking at the number and the severity of your stress-related symptoms and behaviors. To use this measure, simply rate the frequency with which you’ve experienced each of the listed items during the last two weeks. Use this helpful rating scale:

                                       0 = Never

                                       1 = Sometimes

                                       2 = Often

                                       3 = Very often

          Fatigue or tiredness =

          Pounding heart=

          Rapid pulse=

Increased perspiration=

          Rapid breathing          

          Aching neck or shoulders=

          Low back pain=

          Gritted teeth or clenched jaw=

Hives or skin rash=

          Headaches=

Cold hands or feet=

Tightness in chest=

          Nausea=

          Diarrhea or constipation=

Stomach discomfort=

          Nail biting=

Twitches or tics=

Difficulty swallowing or dry mouth

Colds or flu=

Lack of energy=

          Overeating=

Feelings of helplessness or hopelessness=

Excessive drinking=

          Excessive smoking=

Excessive spending=

Excessive drug or medication use=

          Upset feeling=

          Feelings of nervousness or anxiety=

Increased irritability=

          Worrisome thoughts=

          Impatience=

Feeings of depression=

          Loss of sexual interest=

          Feelings of anger=

          Sleep difficulties=

Forgetfulness=

Racing or intrusive thoughts=

          Restless feelings=

          Difficulty concentrating=

          Periods of crying=

          Frequent absences from work=

          Your total stress-symptom score=

                   You compare your scores on the stress-symptom survey with the scores of others who complete this scale. No, I’m not saying you have to flag down passersby and make them take the test so you have scores to compare; you can use the handy chart in Table 3-1 instead. The higher your score, the more stress symptoms you’re reporting. A higher frequency and/or intensity of stress-related symptoms and behaviors is generally associated with higher levels of stress.                                     

Table 3-1   Determining Your Stress Rating

Your Score                    Your Comparative Rating

0–19                              Lower than average

20–39                            Average

40–49                            Moderately higher than average

50 and above               Much higher than average

Copyright © Allen Elkin Phd – Originally appeared in Stress Management for Dummies 2^nd edition by Allen Elkin

MANAGING STRESS: A THREE-PRONGED APPROACH

This three-pronged model of dealing with stress provides you with a useful tool to help you understand the many ways you can manage and control your stress. You have three major choices, outlined in the following sections.

1. Managing your stressors

The events that trigger your stress can range from the trivial to the dramatic. They can be very minor — a hassle such as a broken shoelace, a crowded subway, or the world’s slowest check-out line. They can be more important — losing your wallet, hearing sharp words from your boss, or getting a bad haircut a week before your wedding. The list of more serious stressors can be even more dramatic — a divorce, a serious illness, the loss of a job, or the loss of a loved one. The number of potential stressors is endless.

Changing your “A” means altering, minimizing, or eliminating your potential stressors. Following are some examples of what this may look like: 

                                               

Potential Stressor                          Modified Stressor

A crowded commute                 Leaving home earlier or later

Constant lateness             Learning time-management skills

Conflict with relatives               Spending less time with them

Anger about your golf game      Taking some golf lessons

A cluttered home                         Becoming better organized

Dissatisfaction with your job     Looking for another job

High credit-card bills                  Spending less

Missed deadlines                         Starting projects sooner

Angst about the subway              Taking the bus

I can hear you saying, “Give me a break! What planet does this guy live on? I can’t quit my job! I have to see my annoying relatives!” And in many cases you’re right. Often you can’t change the world or even what goes on in your own house. You want to change what other people think or do? Good luck! But you can sometimes minimize or even eliminate a potential stressor. This ability is strengthened if you have the relevant skills. Changing your world isn’t always possible, but when it is, it’s often the fastest route to stress relief.

2. Changing your thoughts

Even if you can’t significantly change the situations and events that are triggering your stress, you can change the way you perceive them. What happens at “B” — your beliefs, thoughts, perceptions, and interpretations — is critical in determining how much stress you feel. Whenever you perceive a situation or event as overwhelming or beyond your control, or whenever you think you can’t cope, you experience stress. You may find that much, if not most, of your stress is self-induced, and you can learn to see things differently. So, if you’re waiting in a long line, perhaps you’re thinking, “I just can’t stand this! I hate waiting! Why can’t they figure out a better way of doing this? I hate lines! I hate lines! I hate lines!” Chances are, you’re creating more than a little stress for yourself. On the other hand, if you’re thinking, “Perfect! Now I have time to read these fascinating articles on alien babies and celebrity cellulite in the National Tattler,” you’re feeling much less stress. Your thinking plays a larger role than you may believe in creating your stress.

3. Managing your stress responses

Even if you can’t eliminate a potential stressor and can’t change the way you view that situation, you can still manage your stress by mastering other skills. You can change the way you respond to stress. You can learn how to relax your body and quiet your mind.

Copyright © Allen Elkin Phd – Originally appeared in Stress Management for Dummies 2^nd edition by Allen Elkin

                                     

                                                                                                                                                

                                                                  

                                                                                                                                                

                                                         

                                                         

                                                                  

                                                                                                                                                

                                                                  

                                                                                                                                                

                                                         

                                                         

                                                                  

                                                                            

                                               

                                                                  

                                                                  

                                                                            

                                                         

                                                                  

                                                                              

                                                                  

                                                                  

                                                                                                                                                

                                                         

                                                         

                                                                  

                                                                            

                                                                  

                                                                  

                                                                                                                                                

                                                         

                                                         

                                                                  

                                                                                                                                                

                                                                  

                                                                                                                                                

                                                         

                                                         

                                                                  

                                                                            

                                                                  

                                                         

                                                         

                                                                  

                                                                            

                                     

                                     

UNDERSTANDING STRESS IS AS SIMPLE AS ABC

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          One of the best ways to understand stress is to look at a model of emotional distress elaborated by psychologist Albert Ellis. He calls his model the ABC model, and it’s as simple as it sounds:

                                      A → B → C where

  A is the Activating event or triggering situation. It’s the “stressor.”

 B is your Beliefs, thoughts, or perceptions about A.

C is the emotional, physical, and behavioral Consequence or “stress” that results from holding these beliefs.

   In other words,   A potentially stressful situation → your perceptions → your stress (or lack of stress).

   Real-life examples make this model more understandable. Following are two situations that may seem familiar.

          Consider one of the more common sources of stress in our lives: the fear of being late. You’re in a taxi headed for the airport, where you’ll board a plane for Philadelphia to interview for a job. Traffic is heavy, and you didn’t expect that. Your palms are sweaty, and your breathing is rapid and shallow. You’re feeling anxious. You are stressed out!       Using the ABC model of stress, the sequence looks something like this:

                                      A → B → C

Late for the plane → “I’m never going to make it, and I won’t get this job!” → Anxiety and panic with sweaty palms and rapid, shallow breathing.

          Or consider this scenario: You’re trying to get your two kids off to school in the morning. Your husband, who is normally terrific at helping, is on his way to Philadelphia for a job interview. He normally drops off the older child at school while you take your younger daughter to day care. You have a job, too, and today you’re expected to show up for an important 9 o’clock meeting. The plan was for the three of you to leave earlier than usual so you would have time to drop them both off. But this morning your daughter woke up crying and feeling sick. You’re caught off guard. You don’t have a plan B and certainly not a plan C. You have to scramble to figure out whom to call and what to do. You feel anxious and panicky. You’re more irritable. Your breathing is off. You’re feeling very stressed.

          With the ABC model, your stress looks something like this: Important meeting this morning and daughter is not feeling well → “OMG! What do I do? I can’t skip this meeting!” → Anxiety and panic

Copyright © Allen Elkin Phd – Originally appeared in Stress Management for Dummies 2^nd edition by Allen Elkin