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The ability to think may represent
one of the stellar achievements of scaling that evolutionary ladder. Your cat
or dog probably doesn’t wake at 3 a.m. worrying about how he’s going to come up
with that next mortgage payment. What goes on in your head comes from many
different sources. A brief list would include:
Your DNA: You
are, in fact, born with a certain temperament and personality traits that may
predispose you to think, feel, and react in more stressful ways.
Your family:
No surprises here. Mom and Dad play an important role, especially in your
younger years, in determining who you are and how you think. Were they
critical? Supportive? Were they an active part of your life, or were they
absent?
Your life experiences: Positive experiences and negative experiences — your joys, traumas,
successes, failures, educational experiences, relationships, religious beliefs
— all determine, to varying degrees, how you see yourself and your world.
Your thoughts can take a variety of
forms. Much of your thinking can be positive, adaptive, and even fun. You plan
for your future, you prudently construct a budget, you replay your daughter’s
performance in the school play, and so on. Unfortunately, too much of your thinking
works against you, creating unnecessary stress. If you can identify your
negative thoughts you are better able to manage them and, if need be, change
them.
Sorting out your thoughts
Here is but a sampling of what this
negative, not-so-adaptive thinking consists of:
Perfectionism:
Insisting that you (and possibly others) be perfect; setting unrealistically
high standards for yourself and others.
Self-downing:
Putting yourself down when you fail, are rejected, or don’t have those traits
or abilities you think are important for your happiness.
Catastrophizing and awfulizing: Exaggerating the importance and potential consequences of
negative events.
Fear of disapproval: Believing that being disapproved of says too much about your identity
and value.
Fear of
failure: Seeing failure as a global negative rating of your worth.
Fear of uncertainty: The inability to cope with the unknown and unpredictable.
Copyright © Allen Elkin Phd – Originally appeared in Stress Management for Dummies 2nd edition by Allen Elkin
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