MANAGING STRESS: A THREE-PRONGED APPROACH

This three-pronged model of dealing with stress provides you with a useful tool to help you understand the many ways you can manage and control your stress. You have three major choices, outlined in the following sections.

1. Managing your stressors

The events that trigger your stress can range from the trivial to the dramatic. They can be very minor — a hassle such as a broken shoelace, a crowded subway, or the world’s slowest check-out line. They can be more important — losing your wallet, hearing sharp words from your boss, or getting a bad haircut a week before your wedding. The list of more serious stressors can be even more dramatic — a divorce, a serious illness, the loss of a job, or the loss of a loved one. The number of potential stressors is endless.

Changing your “A” means altering, minimizing, or eliminating your potential stressors. Following are some examples of what this may look like: 

                                               

Potential Stressor                          Modified Stressor

A crowded commute                 Leaving home earlier or later

Constant lateness             Learning time-management skills

Conflict with relatives               Spending less time with them

Anger about your golf game      Taking some golf lessons

A cluttered home                         Becoming better organized

Dissatisfaction with your job     Looking for another job

High credit-card bills                  Spending less

Missed deadlines                         Starting projects sooner

Angst about the subway              Taking the bus

I can hear you saying, “Give me a break! What planet does this guy live on? I can’t quit my job! I have to see my annoying relatives!” And in many cases you’re right. Often you can’t change the world or even what goes on in your own house. You want to change what other people think or do? Good luck! But you can sometimes minimize or even eliminate a potential stressor. This ability is strengthened if you have the relevant skills. Changing your world isn’t always possible, but when it is, it’s often the fastest route to stress relief.

2. Changing your thoughts

Even if you can’t significantly change the situations and events that are triggering your stress, you can change the way you perceive them. What happens at “B” — your beliefs, thoughts, perceptions, and interpretations — is critical in determining how much stress you feel. Whenever you perceive a situation or event as overwhelming or beyond your control, or whenever you think you can’t cope, you experience stress. You may find that much, if not most, of your stress is self-induced, and you can learn to see things differently. So, if you’re waiting in a long line, perhaps you’re thinking, “I just can’t stand this! I hate waiting! Why can’t they figure out a better way of doing this? I hate lines! I hate lines! I hate lines!” Chances are, you’re creating more than a little stress for yourself. On the other hand, if you’re thinking, “Perfect! Now I have time to read these fascinating articles on alien babies and celebrity cellulite in the National Tattler,” you’re feeling much less stress. Your thinking plays a larger role than you may believe in creating your stress.

3. Managing your stress responses

Even if you can’t eliminate a potential stressor and can’t change the way you view that situation, you can still manage your stress by mastering other skills. You can change the way you respond to stress. You can learn how to relax your body and quiet your mind.

Copyright © Allen Elkin Phd – Originally appeared in Stress Management for Dummies 2^nd edition by Allen Elkin