LEARNING HOW TO DETACH

Detaching from your stress means you’re able to step away from that situation, event, memory, or worry — whatever form your stress takes at that particular time. Stepping away may sound easy, but often it’s not. Our thoughts and feelings are compelling. Like a spider’s web, they can entrap us in an ever-spiraling web of rumination, worry, and upset. The pull of your stress-producing thinking is incredibly strong, and once it has you in its grip, escaping is not easy. That’s why detaching yourself from your thoughts and feelings becomes so important.

Creating awareness

The first step is becoming aware of what you want to detach from. The goal is to be able to detach from a stressful situation before it has you in its grip. Learning to detach from non-stressful triggers is much easier and therefore a better place to start. Start by asking yourself this simple question: What am I paying attention to right now?

By posing this question, you create an awareness of exactly what is holding your attention. The following is a simple exercise that can help you develop greater awareness of how and to what you’re paying attention.

1.Every time you check the time on your watch, computer, or cell phone, use this as a cue to pause briefly, take a deep breath, hold it for a bit, and slowly exhale.

2.Now ask yourself: What am I thinking about right now? What am I feeling? What am I doing?

Crack a smile?

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Detaching from a stressor or stress reaction can be hard. One tool that can help you transition from an emotional state to a more mindful state is to smile. “Wait a minute,” you say, “when I’m waiting in traffic or worried about my finances, you want me to smile? Get real!” Yes, I recognize that this will be a phony smile — forced and artificial. Do it anyway. It can help you gain objectivity and psychological distance. It distracts you momentarily, and the changes in facial muscle tension can alter your mood. Smiling gives you important seconds to regroup, gain some objectivity, and become more aware. Try it!

This simple response can refocus your attention. With practice, you won’t need a cue to be able to create this awareness on your own.

Creating distance

Here is another exercise that will help you get some psychological and emotional distance from a potential stressor.

1.    Suppose you feel an itch on your arm.

          Your natural response is to scratch it. Suppose, however, that rather than immediately reacting to the itch by scratching, you simply become aware of the sensation of itching and choose not to do anything about it.

2.    Imagine that you’re able to step away from the sensation.

          The scientist in you takes over, and you become a neutral observer. In a mindful way, you’re able to describe what the sensation of itching feels like (perhaps irritating, frustrating, or annoying).

3.    If you can mentally step back a little further, you can suspend any judgment about the itch (“This is driving me crazy! I hate this!”).

      You can also withhold your assessment of your ability to cope with the itch (“I can’t stand it! I just have to scratch!”).

4.    You can view the itch with a certain curiosity.

          Now you have distance. You’re not a prisoner of the itch. 

A major aim of mindfulness is to become aware of your thoughts, feelings, and sensations without reacting to them. This sentence, on first reading, may seem a bit puzzling. We’re so accustomed to responding to our thoughts and feelings that it’s second nature to do so. But as you recognized while doing the itch exercise, you do have a choice.

Copyright © Allen Elkin Phd – Originally appeared in Stress Management for Dummies 2nd edition by Allen Elkin